You're a 1st Marsian Settler

Palomar · 2005-02-26 18:18:00

*Okay, Lord Vlork:

http://www.newmars.com/forums/viewtopic … 76]Explain what's going on here (I refuse to say "please")? I refer to Rik's posts.

(I might have to break out the battle rabbits if this continues...)

You, previously:

and was answered with a mixed chorus of "Hoo-ah", "Jawhol", "Hai" and "f**kin' a".

Interpretation: "Blah, blah, blah, blah."

I'm hardly afraid. :laugh:

--Cindy

Cobra Commander · 2005-02-26 18:47:59

And lo, the Prophet did emerge, chewing on barbecued rabbit and having had the distinct feeling he was implicated in plots not of his devising, and he did say unto those assembled "release not the battle rabbits, nor the killbots, nor the steenkin' hippies nor the myriad plagues we've all been stockpiling and hiding from the Yu Knights, for I too know the tribulation of simple typographical errors. Behold!" And from the sands did rise a mountain of fine white powder to rival Olympus, or at least one of the smaller peaks of Tharsis. "Cursed are we with controlled narcotics when all we sought was some friggin' hot cocoa! And lo, the wicked who make light of the legal hassles resulting for 'tis a simple mistake and those who behold the error should know what was meant, by the power of the Most High or their own sense should their faith be lacking."

And then the Prophet did look away, taken with a vision. Having received the word from on high, the Prophet did bid the robots pack the processed Mars-grown coca derivative for transport. The faithful still need to eat and Coca-Cola had yet to establish local facilites, much profit to be made. And they did wander back into the desert having clarified little and thought through still less.

Edit:: Fixed italics.

Edited By Cobra Commander on 1109594611

Trebuchet · 2005-02-27 14:53:53

Trebuchet looked up from wiping down his counter after the Rabbitfest and glanced at the telescreen. It showed the dust storms forming up over Mad Lord Vlork's hermit kingdom, and projected that the path of the storm would continue over the town.

"It's just another dust storm," he muttered, "We've survived plenty... so why do I have this suspicious feeling?"

A mug banged down at the other end of the bar. "Hey, barkeep, another round of Phobos Red!" one of the semi-drunken patrons shouted.

His mind back on business, Treb momentarily forgot about the dust storm, Mad Lord Vlork, and the mysterious mountain of salt or whatever that the cultists had amassed in the sandy wastes. But the feeling of unease remained.

Palomar · 2005-02-27 19:08:08

Dear Diary:

It's still unclear. Lord Vlork denies having had a hand in the matter of Rik's recent outbursts. But why should we believe LV? He's a rabbit eater. So is Trebuchet. And who else?

And let's not forget that LV took my gift of -- and wore -- those Beatles boots and Donovan cap.

Now he denies everything, even while feasting on rabbit flesh and washing it down with Phobos Red, laughing coarsely with Trebuchet over our discomfort.

In the meantime, we're moving underground. The vast labyrinth of caves in the Hellas region will be our new home. Alas, I will miss the sunlight. All entrances to the cave complex will be plugged airtight -- we will move about and breathe generated oxygen freely.

In the meantime, no one in this current region of Mars cares that Roger tripped over that mysterious wire there at Collinwood, and who might have done it. Nor is anyone overly concerned that Mrs. Findley died of a heart attack at the top of the same stairs and -- already dead -- fell gruesomely to the flagstones below. :-\

To Hellas and its caves we go. Our battle rabbits are at the ready. I continue my karate training. We want peace, but not at any price.

Before we leave, a handful of us will sneak into LV's private quarters while he is away and repaint his rooms in PASTELS. Pink and yellow and lavender pastels, yes. <laugh>

Lord Vlork took -- and wore -- Beatles boots and a Donovan cap.

Let his comrades be reminded. Especially Rik, whose continued silence makes us uneasy.

Rxke · 2005-02-28 02:00:18

Rxke shoots a bloodshot, baleful eye towards the monitor, then ponders whether he'd better look up 'baleful' or not...

He decides not to. He's got more pressing things to do, like going through the remote-controlled webcam recordings he has been making the last several weeks, interesting stuff.

Especially that Hellas digging stuff... Someone wearing Beatles-boots might be very interested in just this kind of stuff.

Still having that baleful eye, Rxke presses the big red button marked 'send' on his console.

Cobra Commander · 2005-02-28 07:00:27

"Fools," the Prophet did shout over the throng of workers, most of them robotic. "How many times have I told you to cover the storage vats while the dust storms pass?" But alas the droids were a trifle slow and did not heed the words, and the massive stores of cocaine were carried on the winds to encircle the planet. While such blunders oft result in a smiting, the Prophet had other matters of concern. Word had come from afar that many heathens did labor in the desert, digging a vast pit in which to shelter themselves from the coming storm and generally chaotic nature of Mars. Further, the heathens did train diligently in karate-do, which filled the Prophet with little alarm as the "way of the empty hand" would not stand against the iaijutsu and Glock-fu of the armies of the faithful, should war result.

"We will bury them" the Prophet bellowed, meaning it in the nicest possible way as the heathens' underground shelter will need covering. The word did spread on all channels of the Prophet's generous offer to assist, for he held no ill-will toward the heathens. "Why should we worry, they're the ones' that are going to Hell" he did say. Or at least Hellas in this case.

Palomar · 2005-02-28 08:08:15

We don't know who drank whom under the table, nor if Rik is still bleary-eyed and nearly incoherent. The surface of Mars has become rife with fights, drunken binges and all other sorts of folly. Who needs it?

Meanwhile: We're going spelunking!

The Hellas complex of caves vastly outclasses Carlsbad Caverns on Earth. And we've no bats, their droppings, nor nasty insects to deal with.

The Mars stalactites and stalagmites are three times the size of their Earthly counterparts. And in the lights of our helmets' headlights, their mineral-encrusted surfaces sparkle as if coated with gems.

So much science to accomplish here.

We are happy to "be in Hell...or at least Hellas, in this case."

Palomar · 2005-03-03 11:09:43

Rik wordt gecontroleerd door Lord Vlork. Rik gelooft ik cocabonen eet. Nr. De konijnen moeten winnen. Rik vergat onze redding van de cel. Iets is verkeerd met zijn mening. Hij wordt gebruikt door Lord Vlork als pand. Zij willen alle konijnen doden.

One last desperate attempt to "reach" Rik. I opted for his native language. Unfortunately, the translator is malfunctioning. Hopefully he'll be able to understand the message regardless. The situation is critical.

Cobra Commander · 2005-03-03 15:46:35

"Attention all rabbit slaying killbots, I doth have both good and foul news," the prophet did speak. "I have heard it said on good authority that the Yu Knights will not come to the aid of the rabbits, however it has been revealed to me that incoherent Belgians, or perhaps the Dutch, are moving against us." The killbots did wait without response, as droids are apt to do. "We shall contact Rik, who has always followed well the commandments of the Most High and drunk of the holy spirits and has never misled us in the past, perhaps he can shed light upon this. Go, find him and make an offering of our best brew." And the killbots nearest the door did proceed with the task. Much treachery was afoot across the red plains, and likely below it in the caves. Deep underground where the Devil himself lives. With more than a few Yu Knights.

Rxke · 2005-03-03 16:19:04

*sound of jaw crashing into desk*

I didn't know Obi-Wan spoke Dutch!

anyway, he sounds as incoherent as ever!

Hmmm ever... Everclear!

*killbots crashing through the airlock*

Well, well, well! speak of the errr... - be seated my friends, looks like it's time for another jolly good party, hail da Prophet!

Trebuchet · 2005-03-03 21:55:55

Trebuchet saw the clouds of war gathering over Mars. Sadly, they would bring only bloodshed and not precious water... although he supposed that blood might help in the terraforming project as well. "Note to self," he wrote on a bar napkin, "send case of Phobos Red to scientists in exchange for study on blood in Mart. terraforming." Satisfied, he tacked the note to the wall behind the bar and then returned to his briefly interrupted wailign about the coming war. Chaos and bloodshed were bad for business, no matter how many battle-scarred veterans came in after the shooting stopped for beer and rabbit stew. "Why couldn't we all just get along and declare war on Earth, like we should?"

He brightened. "Hmm, why shouldn't we?" He turned the bar over to his employees for a few minutes and drafted a few messages on the computer in the back. "To Lord Vlork, Dark Lord of Mars, Prophet of Doom ™, Scourge of Rabbits, Destroyer of the Yu Knights, etc, etc..." (He really needs to cut down on the titles, trebuchet thought)"... and to the leaders of the settlements in the caves of Hellas and whomever else it may concern. The TempleBar of Chryse Planitia cordially invite you to a summit meeting under flag of truce, to discuss differences of opinion, matters of mutual import - and enjoy the finest distilled spirits and beers on Mars at Mars's only sports bar. indigeonous religious temple complex, and rabbit racing track, complete with 24' satellite dish recieving over 200 Earth channels! Sincerely, Trebuchet.

He nodded in satisfaction and sent the email over all open channels. At one stroke, he had opened diplomatic negotiations AND bought lots of free publicity... all in a day's work! NOw he only had to make sure that his insurance was paid up before both sides arrived, and also make sure that the air filters were keeping the cocaine in the dust storm *outside* of the TempleBar.

Cobra Commander · 2005-03-04 10:34:20

And lo, this thread hath grown large and fat, which is believed to cause much crashing and death to their kind. Therefore, as requested both by the faithful and the Most High, another shall arise to continue the saga before all our history is lost to the ages. Find ye this new branch of our saga in "You're a 1st Martian Settler II", so as it written so shall it be done, f**kin' a.

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